I love the time I've spent here in NYC but this last month is both flying by and dragging on all at once.
Recently, I've struggled with thoughts of just wanting to be back in Grand Rapids; skip this last month here, and just be in my house, in Grand Rapids, with my car, with my friends, and have it be summer time.
I think I've realized however, that part of my discontentment in this last month is not only anxiousness to get home, but also a lack of Christ in my life here in NYC. Not that Christ is not present here, but that I have not been actively pursuing a deeper connection with Him while living here.
So much of this NYCAMS semester is defined by how much effort we ourselves put into our time in the city and in this program. And I believe, that along with work effort and motivation in my studies and internships, that this effort also lies in me to continue soaking up the love that Christ has blessed me with. Unfortunately, I have definitely been slacking in my relationship with my adoring Father. Thus, it feels like it's all catching up to me now -- that this restlessness is caused by a valley I've subconsciously (or consciously) wandered into.
I've relied too much on the comforts and ease of a church I love in Grand Rapids, as well as a community of believers in my friends and co-workers, along with other familiar bits and pieces I can dip into spiritually, and have become lost on my own. God has plucked me from familiarity and placed me in an overwhelming, impersonal city, and has been waiting for me to stand up, cry out, and look to Him. So instead of turning from these spiritual comforts and seeking new ones, I have stood pouting in this concrete jungle, expecting these comforts to fall into my lap.
I am sweetly broken, therefore I need to wholly surrender and realize that although Christ pursues me and waits with open arms, I need to reciprocate and pursue HIM. Everyday. Pursue.
Here's a playlist that I've been pumping into my little iPod and affectionately labeled "REBOOT"
Sweetly Broken -- Jeremy Riddle
Overcome -- Desperation Band
Hope Now -- Addison Road
God of This City -- Chris Tomlin
Marvelous Light -- Christy Nockels
(I, of course, highly suggest these wonderful songs. If I were more tech-savvy I would've had them clickable to play, but isn't that what Google is for? "Just Google it.")